On Fire by Switchfoot

This songs speaks so much about me and where I'm standing. Thanks Eugene for sending me this song =)

On Fire by Switchfoot

They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be

But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me [x3]
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And i've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery

it's been like 2 months ago since my last blog, but then today, somehow there's something to write about (which my friend evon, said today is memorable must write down) LOL

okay how do i even start?this lecturer Ms N has been in my class close to 3 years. Well, everyday we've been complaining about her attitude, it's not that she's evil - she just have this somehow controlled and conservative mindset, a person who just wants it all her WAY. i mean like hello? you are the lecturer and you are suppose to be open-minded and able to receive people's ways and not just all about you.

and that FACIAL EXPRESSION!dude,her face turns black (i mean really black) wherever we propose our ideas. you can see her face changed completely and totally crashed my mood down. The day before her class, I could already feel the tense she's giving me. She became very sulky when she doesn't get things done her way. (Hey, she's 27!) And she's a freaking lecturer!!And she's acting like a big baby. Grow up! When we talk about certain topic, she just somewhat turn it around to say it her way. Arh, when me and my friends see her face, we totally don't have the mood to say anything already.

We told her we couldn't meet the deadline and seriously its damn hectic, six garments in 3 weeks?!!and with storyboard, accessories, illustration, portfolio?? KNOCK KNOCK!! get your head in larr...how are we suppose to finish all of that. okay fine she decided that we don't have to do the accessories part, dohhh it doesn't help at all okay? she have wasted the whole of november planning the accesories and now she want to cancel it lar?? man, she just burnt my 1 month's time into thin air. And last sem where we suppose to start our garments, she wasted the whole sem doing our 'less than 50 pages thesis' Again...time gone.

as a lecturer, aren't you suppose to estimate the time properly already, pushing us to do our work instead of coming in everyday to class, showed our progression just a little then proceed to chit-chat for like 3 hours? AGAIN! that's whole lot of time wasted.tsk tsk tsk she always say we can,we can...yea we can do it but can we just do it our way? we are final year students and we can manage already maa...u want to control everythin samore then forever we dunnit to finish lo?? like what gc said 'we went two steps ahead and she pulled us back to step one." like that really forever one step behind lo?

why is it always have to be her way? her mind really put in a small box never step out of the box ge lor....sigh...she always make us so tense, never stand at our position and think wan?
oh well, today we complained about her again to another lecturer Ms H...lols this lecturer darn farnee, she also talk together with us!and she also said that Ms N does not only treat students like that, even other lecturers. controlling and manipulating ethin. self-centered.

funniest was that Ms H said "aha now you know her attitude" omg even other lecturers also already know her attitude is like that. she even said that when you get too close to her then you know her well enough and will eventually began to drift away...i guess she have this slogan "its me, me and me. its my way or the highway" =.='

sigh..really miss him. i felt something missing, cuz we din talk today. we usually do.

its really wonderful talking to you..whether face-to-face or sms-es. its like i felt i have nothing to hide, i can just be myself. its comfortable talking and talk and talk so much with you. and there's just no ending.we could talk for so long and so much things to talk about!! maybe bcuz when two people who likes to talk, bcome like that lar ha ha ha. but at least we give and take. we listen and talk.talk and listen... =)

I was in my own world.Restless.He noticed.

The moment came in silence
I was in my own world
My mind went blank and empty
Running through my brain

Words came in like a whirlwind
I don't know those words
But they came out from me
Where was I going?

I kept putting it together
Just couldn't take it all in one
It was revolving in my mind
I couldn't get a hold of it

sigh..where was i, really? why? i didnt pull nor let go.I just dont know.what was it?i heard something.i really hope i wont see that happening again.its gonna be really depressing.

i think its already breaking...>_<

how long has it been? 3 months of internship and have gone through lots of things that cant be put into words.phew!

how do i even start? might as well leave it just as it is..in my thoughts...just TOO much. Life aint blog.haha

hmm..well,i've plan to start a blog on bridal wear because that's what i want to major in. So then i could post my designs there and receive views from people. I'm preparing a thesis for my finals and it's gona b a collection of bridal wear. yay!

one of the reasons i chose this major it's because, it's a joy to design for people getting married and marriage is the sweetest thing! I love to see the joy in these people, being on their best attire. the BIG day. =)

Without realising..today is already my 5th day at work.Things were going pretty well for me and I'm starting to enjoy work as I adapted to the working environment,my colleagues and tasks that needs to be done.Oh well I did stock count to knickers and underwear on my 4th day of work and there are like hundreds of them,crazy!!I'm really quite getting the work now and its fun and with a bunch of funny and crazy colleagues,work is cool.hahahaha!

Today i attended another training class that is - CS.Stands for?Counter strike.Nah of course not! haha its Customer Service.Its a talk where we were trained how to serve customers and give excellent customer service.Its really quite useful and helped me to developed better in serving different kind of customers.Well,nothing much other than the usual serving customers today. But I get real satisfaction when customers are happy with my service,n what i've chosen for them,and bring the products they want to purchase to cashier counter!!It's really a joy to see my customers walk out with a happy mood!=D

Standing were - of course tiring when there are nt many customers,it's really boring.This is the time where sometimes I walked up to colleagues and talk (ha ha ha)bt not too long, my AM will start to look at us LOLs.both my store manager and assistant manager were really nice guys, were willing to teach and my assistant manager are ready to care for my needs and answer my doubts.YES he arranged morning shift for me on saturday so then after 6.30pm i'll be able to rush for TSF.And when he arranged me for a Sat off then I can attend both service and TSF.I really thanked God so much that now i'm adapting and enjoying work.

Thanks to Jesus!!Amen.!
I'm having off on Tuesday,not fixed which off day every week.But gona go hit the gym and watch movie.I shop for two pairs of shoes just now, after work.Ha ha one from Nose and one from Vincci.Oh yeah that day I got a real worth purchase from Kenzo perfume!They were having such a good promotion that i just couldn't resist.I bought Kenzo Amour 100ml free Kenzo Summer 75ml,Kenzo Summer body wash 150ml and one Kenzo Amour Miniature. All for rm290.Its really quite worth it as all these would costs about rm500 if it's at normal price. And i really like the smell of both Kenzo Amour and Summer!Even my hsemate decided to buy it after i showed him ahahha!!I've always always wanted a Kenzo perfume.When Kenzo Flower was out,I just couldn't bring myself to buy it as I was just okay with the smell and it wasn't on promotion.But finally THIS!!I love it and its worth it! YAYY

work work work!!KENZO rules.JESUS is the greatest!!

2nd day of work

Phew~!2nd day of work and i feel like i've done a lot of things..tiring.I attended the 'new employee orientation' from 10am to 5.30pm.Its basically a talk to tell us about the company history,background,the garments,fabrications,etc etc.Well,I met several people from other outlets,other brands like Dorothy Perkins,Diva,Topshop KLCC etc. And we had group activites in which I joined up with two girls frm Topshop KLCC (waiting SPM results) and a girl younger than me a year from Ms.Selfrigde MV.Its kind of interesting to know that all this brands are together under DNP Sdn Bhd and that we are a family.Yoshinoya is also under DNP!ALL one 2gther haha

The talk was quite useful, but i felt sleepy at times.my assistant manager and another colleague also attended the course with me.Really sleepy..haha.Communications with other colleagues raised up a bit better,hpfuli will get better in the near future.Some of 'em jz wouldn't bother abt me greeting them,smiling at them (as though I'm a freak) I got along well with the 2 girls frm topshop KLCC bt dey r nt wrkin wit me!!And the girl frm Ms.Selfridge too.We had lunch 2gther today and got along pretty well.Oh and also the supervisor frm Ms.Selfridge.psstt...i'm adapting 2 da uniform.. >_<

My assistant manager is a real nice guy...haha(nvm,he's nt gona find my blog,wayy too impossible!)I have only one problem right now..i'm working 6 days a week and my off-days are all weekdays.I wouldn't be able to go church on saturdays...i talked to my AM today.. probably he could arrange for me to have morning shift on saturdays,at least I will be able to attend TSF altho I won't be able to attend the service.But I didnt want to beg/force him because I know its the company policy and they are very strict with us and our schedule. So I told him it's all right (i'm wrkin noon shift tomoro).I'm not sure if he cld arrange 4 me 4 the following weeks.

O Lord,give me strength and patience each day and wisdom to do your work and your will!
As long as I have Jesus with me,I will not be afraid of anything,anyone and never give up.
Thank God.Amen. =)

first day at work

Today,first day of work...getting an uniform one size smaller is obviously un-flattering.Uhh, hope that next uniform will be better!Anyways,working at Topshop,they have two new uniforms every week.Before starting my afternoon shift,we will usually have a briefing from the manager.Oh wow 1st day of work,other sales coordinators got some "advice" from the manager haha about punctuality,absence and stuff.The people there,I'm not sure to say nice or not?Cuz not much chance to talk..we have our own departments to take care of.I guess they are all nice, haha shld take more time.Not very talkative I say,i aso don have chance to TALK!(aih..God,help me please)
I realised Topshop is very very big company,including its partnerships its really a huge production.However the manager is quite nice, seems willing to train me and the supervisor also quite nice...(i think the manager is quite strict) bt i dont blame him,he has a lot of people under him and working with him,if he's not stern then people would not follow his orders.
Anyways,what I did today (sigh,its sales)..which is I have to help push sales target and serve customers with manners,smile,greetings,..encouraging them to buy and etc etc.its really boring when there are no customers,and you stand there doing nothing (which then I started walking to my colleagues and talk,and examining how they sew the garments) >_< hpfuli will have better communication with my colleagues.(its first day!!) I sometimes make the blur face when my manager tells me something and he ended up looking at me very blur as well ha ha ha ha sry dude. XD XD

Tomoro i'll be attending 'new employer orientation' from 10am to 6pm.Wah i have to exercise my ears.bt its kind of interesting that i wrk from bottom and meet a lot of diff kinds of people..

ah..sleepylar..nites ppl.

Internship

Finally after much weeks of anticipation and waiting..the internship company called me for confirmation.Suddenly called me today(while I was in the cinema!)asking me to work tomorrow. Wah so freaking sudden,i was shocked.Anyways,I will be working at Topshop,Midvalley. Great its near my place.I have to work as promoter and take care of the store stuff first though before I could proceed further.I think it is important for me to know how the store runs beforehand. Thank God I worked as promoter before,if not I guess I'll be panicking right now HAHA!! Really praying that I'll get good boss,good colleagues and good communication haha yeah~~

Yay Judah and Xiao's wedding was fantastic~!!Xiao was ever so pretty and Judah(ah-hem) looks real good wahaha

anyways,me n my 2 other friends slept over at Xiao's the day before the wedding.And i also accompany Xiao to do her manicure and pedicure.(I tell you,its comfort man!)
Many relatives and friends came to her hse that night,and we felt kind of ackward because we just couldn't blend it.I mean the relatives - how to talk lar?LOL there are many good foods~!!and xiao's family is so warm towards us. I think about 11 somethin,we got kind of tired and went up for bath and gonna sleep.Then Xiao came up,and we gave her luxury!!what is it?haha massage - three of us massage for her haha (laee..bride-to-be, we give anything she wants) hehe

Tomorrow morning suppose to wake up at 5.30am..hm..but the bride still lazing on the bed~ The make-up artist was late anyways.But Charlene and Marcus were here by 6.15am already.Ate breakfast then the make-up artist came at about 6.45am - i think~!Just before she could put finishing touches to Xiao's hair,POOF~!the electricity went out.gosh it was so hot!and we had to borrow electricity from next door - using extension wires for the standing fan. Probably about 9am, the groom and his 'heng tais' is here already.Gehe time for the games~!!! however we couldn't play too long as the bride is so heat up (o i mean its hot and reali couldn't stand so long)

O well,first we asked them to sing CNY song, and they couldn't sing~!!LOL ok at least these words came out 'Gong Xi, Gong Xi, Gong Xi.... =_=' Then asked them to sing love songs! this should be easier right...and the best man Arnan sang an indian song which we 'chi muis' couldn't understand a single word.and we requested must sing in english!Alright in the end, ONLY YOU came out.haha and sing until didn't want to stop even when we said stop (too into it already) haha!

Lastly,to prove their sincerity we asked them to put on lipsticks and kiss as much as they can to fill up several papers.haha one of them was forced to put lipstick on him but he didnt want to! in the end,also have to, time is running out.And some of them did willingly put on lipstick and kiss on the papers LOL~!!this is not so bad !after that,give one big angpow XD XD

hahahahah after some singing and words in front of the bride's doors, finally DOORS open and the lovely couple came down for tea ceremony.

Was really really really happy for Xiao.I guess when she walks down the aisle, i felt tears streaming down it was so touching~!!my beloved CG leader,even now u are in YC,but i will always miss you and will definitely keep in touch~!!still same church wert!hehehehe lots lots of love muaxxx

p/s will post pics soon

Xiao Wen and Judah, bride-to-be and bridegroom to-be, tying the knot on 10th Jan 2007.. =)

A friend dedicated this song to them...And the lyrics goes like this - - -

A brand new day
For you and me
In this place as husband and wife
We'll be holding on
'Till we grow old
Together forever and ever

I promise you
That I'll please you
With my endless love and passion
And I will never leave you

This is a journey that will never end
We'll have our children names Jeremy and Felicia
We'll have a beautiful house
With a bench and apple tree

I know this sounds too much
But this is a brand new day

Brand New Day by Ten2Five

i've done the dress for my friend, and sweet! my good friend Charlene got married last week. Really so happy fo her and Marcus, the husband.Very sweet =)And my beloved CG leader Xiao is getting married to Judah~!YaY its on 9th Feb. another sweet sweet memory.Very happy for them as well =D Congrats yeah to Xiao and Judah! CHEERS

Oh well, i'm having my semester break right now.And making the vest and pants for Xiao's flower boy.At least something to keep my hands on.If not i'm really bored out!I have like one month's break.yea yea i know, i should be enjoying my sem break.OK i'll just get my hands on more things, let not the sem break slip off just with sleeping and online.hehe

Will be going back hometown probably a few days after Xiao's wedding.HOME SWEET HOME..^-^ What will I be keeping my hands on at home?hmm..spend time with my mom,usually I go out with mom during weekends and watch TV together during weekdays.Oh yeah i still need to have a wardrobe clean-up and my mini-studio clean-up.Things are really pretty messed up when I'm doing work.hmm..

My coursemates and me, attending the Malaysian International Fashion Week at KL Convention Centre
=)

xchange

yoohoo hoo

i decided to change back my blog to here instead of friendster haha. been half a year, dude!
o well, i'm doin adv dip now in 2nd sem, tough tough aha.

wat have i been up to?assignments and more assignments!my sem going to end soon so have to finish up all my final assignments. i have machine embroidery class and now doin a dress with embroidered lace.(my theme is poker cards, the queen,king & jack) the pattern hoo!, is complicated and real tough piece

i've got exactly 2 weeks to complete a garment which i designed for a friend, with payment yeah haha.real excited to do it but right now haven started doin yet, i'm real busy wit my own assignments.its just a matter of "starting!" its like for me, once i start doin it den i'll do it all the way non-stop.

with Him, Lord Jesus Christ i;ll be able to swim thru any circumstances, thank You Jesus!AMEN!

cheers ppl

months since i ever blogged - ha!

been reli busy for the past semester,rushing for my final project - a mini fashion show cum exhibition and plus planning on movin out from hostel to another place.

felt like time reali flies by fast.here i am now, had a sort of successful mini fashion show, it went great despite sleepless nights,pressure and mad-like rush.Thank God!During my relaxing time in hometown, waited for my sis to find a place for us to stay. I read a book Big Stone Gap. a long story but its interesting and boring in certain parts.i finished it anyway and its a good book, i realised a lot of things about life and people.I also managed to meet up with my ex-classmates.

On 1st june, my friend sms-ed me,told me to go to class for advanced diploma. i wasnt even ready for that and i havent settle down in KL yet.So there i was, struggling to choose between TARC and Raffles Institute.the latter had very interesting offers, telling me my diploma is recognized and that i could continue adv dip - transfer my credits and they had interesting subjects. Raffles had a recognition that attracts me. however, i felt like stayin in tarc cuz its more affordable, my gang is there, i kind of stuck to my lecturers, the ppl i connect with, the environment that i've got so used to. and i want to make it happen in TARC although its not as prestigious as raffles. somehow i actually like not-so-famous stuffs.haha. i thought about working with Peter Hoe, a batik-designer, he's not a very famous designer but i liked him and his design personality.

felt like i actually could make something out of tarc with my friends there too. believe it or not, we only got 5 students continuing adv dip.the rest had left either working or slacking. i seek for God's guidance and finally i decided to stay with tarc. they had a new lecturer - 10 yrs experience in UK.wow?

i'm pretty excited abt startin adv dip.its like a whole new era for me. i went late a week and assignments had been pouring in and now i'm trying to catch up. i didnt miss much, thanks to the Lord, that i want to start 2 discpline my studies and assignments.i want to make the best out of it,i'll try.

btw ppl, i hv moved to Millenium Condo, Dataran Millenium near to Asia Jaya LRT station. many ppl asked me why i moved so far away. i guess its ok that i had to travel every day - my coursemates are all from KL and now i get to travel with them everyday and my friend is pretty excited too that we r goin coll 2gether n takin e lrt bc together. its kind of fun. hehe i gonna miss life in tbr too, my frens r mostly gone now from tbr too. i had a great time in tbr haha!

ciaoz.till then.

Yay!Christmas is coming~can't wait!HaHaa

Cf christmas night just over[on my birthday as well] hehe.it was wonderful and AF rawks!its over now...i dont know 2 feel relieved or not?i mean its over,can reduce my workload bt..haha i love that night!it was so sweet and beautiful!Thanks everyone for their birthday wishes & gifts - i had a really blessed birthday thank God!Amen!

I thank God that i went to taiping camp after all despite all the workload & stress i'm going thru. it was really a blessed break for me there.i get to meet my old buddies,it was all so sweet!God's presence was really felt there.Amen! i had a great time and yeahh B.O.G rawkz for Jesus!keep rawkin!!you guys are the best,keep going for Jesus!!

Many more events to come,last Sat it was the Christmas musical [Once Upon a Love Story], it was amazing!nice singing,dancing,drama - wha lah!tommorrow i'm watching it again - yay!haha!today got christmas party at Charis house - whoa so nice so nice!!and on 23 having HF party yay!on 24 my sis havin party yay!on 25 christmas service yay! ps.daniel's open house party yay! partypartyparty for Jesus was born!Amen!its time for feista Jesus Christ!!

wow...haha..i'm being so -joyful?I AM!!christmas is sooooooooooooooooooooooo nice!!lovin'it!!!yay yay yay yay woohoo!!oklah i got 2 more final assignments to go,praise the Lord for guidance and really need to seek Him more!
JESUS CHRIST

love in Christ

its not about him after all.its me.things got completely out of control and i broke down - this time really really broke down.i just needed someone to talk things over and i called up my great bro...he listened and so caring - and he prayed for me over the phone - i was really grateful, i felt so much better after that.i continued doing my work. if it wasn't ytd nite tat we talked,i would feel like almost dying.i guess i was overworked.too MANY things.

however,i got really sick this morning.i had fever last nite,ate panadol and it subsided.bt tis morning i had terrible sore throat and flu.it was unbearable at first.after that i took bread for breakfast then swallowed Strepsils regular. right now i've already taken 2,and my throat is a bit better.and my nose is no longer stucked.i prayed to God for healing and i know He will,i'm slowly recovering.Thank God so much!!thanks to my caring bro too...i'm so grateful to have him through this.

hopefully i will be able to settle everything before taiping camp...i really want to enjoy myself and take a break from all the workload in coll.

Datai mrintah ka ati ku,Datai Yesus nyadi Raja ku (As we worship,build Your throne,come Lord Jesus and take Your place)

the amount of work I need to do is just crazy and overwhelming...crazier than anyone could even think of. and there's one point of time where I actually felt so much like breaking down. i sat alone in one corner and just wander off - drawing things that hopefully could just take away all the distress i'm experiencing.but did it?no, really i just couldn't take my hands off the paper - really really really hope that it will go away and that i don't have to think so much and so much to do.

i tried to control my tears. things got only a little bit better and i still have like a million things to do and so little time. one thing i have - faith. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God is the only one I held on and that kept me strong until today and forever. i dont know how to describe the things i need to do.. firstly assignments have already kept my hands busy plus in-charge of design in CF christmas night [alot needs to be done on time] plus serving and fga tpg camp is coming up.I'm really looking forward to seek God even deeper there. A break from all things but Him. I'm grateful to dedicate all things in the Lord's hands and for His glory. I may not be in control but He is in control.

Even now as i type, i felt like crying my heart out. It's just outrageous how many things need to be done and I have like a week to complete - or maybe only 4 days.

I stopped for approx 3 mins
Cause I drop something
Diamonds falling like rain
I caught hold and went on

Tears have begun to fall down. i could go on but sometimes i felt so afraid. i am seriously busy until i dont have time for myself and i'm struggling,striving to set aside a time for God. well..here i am, spending some time to blog!a lil thing to do 4 myself. i came back at about 6pm and slept like there's no tomorrow until 1.30am. crazy me. now i'm awake and goin to do all the things i'm suppose to do later.

i dont know - is it my time management?or..?i have aredi divide my time - things becoming more consistent than last time and I praised God for all my assignments have improved tremendously. Growth coming in, expectations rising, responsibilities coming up. well i need to be MORE than ever consistent?yea.yea. i let out a sigh of - relief or stress? sigh...sigh...i felt so lazy right now but i still want to continue doin my things cuz i couldn't just let go of all things - if not, i will not be able to go on anymore.

i managed to do some things for myself last 2 days - but thats also part of assignment....on Thu i went over to 'Semua House' near jalan masjid india street to buy beads,ribbons,flowers for a group assignment. Then went for a sleep over at my friend's hse in Cheras - to do e group assignment as well. we had a good time laughing and talking. today went there again to get things 4 assignment and bought some things for myself too. some things for christmas too. i dont even have time to go for christmas shopping!arhh...this month i must plan my finance well cause quite some cash to spend on certain things.

i hardly stay in room...i always go in the room for like about 15 mins then i'm out again for long long hours. my mate's bf came over sometimes said that i came in e room den i was busy doin my things - dont even have time to sit down!yea i told him,yea i'm very busy. ha-ha. the only time i'm in room is durin the night...but this week i hardly stay in my own sweet room...sigh..!mm...i better not waste anymore precious time! -jk- haha i nit do work on my assignments and things 4 CF christmas night. my friend just sms-ed me askin y i din go CF 4 so long and i din attend hostel CG. i want to go but 2 bz...i miss hostel CG!i used to go most of the weeks!i like it there...haih

home fellowship really felt like a home to me!beautiful and lovely environment and wonderful people! =)
chaoz dulu...balik nanti - lama lama lagi kut..mungkin - ah tak tau bila [haha]

Argh...a lot of assignments!!!3 assignments due next monday.And says the lecturer "i like to pressure you all" eEegHhh...??!!!#$#*!

the assignments are pretty interesting, but always have to rush for it.yea, gotta work real hard *winkz *winkz. praise the Lord that everything is under His control. i'm still seeking Him...never gonna stop. e designs for CF christmas night posters, flyers, & T-shirt also done.Really thank God for His wisdom upon me.wow, its' really awesome how God fashioned me and all things. Amazing...i could gazed and wonder of His goodness all day long.=)

its been really supa-dupa long since i blogged...felt lazy to actually blog to express myself.well, here i am again.HA HA.????

semester started, week 5...TONS of assignments and exams for 4 subjects. Gotta work real hard,man.i'm workin to be more consistent of all my assignments. there's this subject -computer aided design- but hah guess what?we dont have the resources for it (TARC).there's only one software in one comp,only one keylock...that costs about U$75,000!! which leads to -doing work MANUALLY. since like abt 18 of us cant jump on only one comp, we had to do it the manual way, which means draw,draw,draw n color,color,color.phew!

somehow work has gotten me far from God's presence. Have to exercise on my faith and continue seeking Him! been thinking a lot, abt friendships & relationships.And also scratching my head, dont know where to go after dip. I'll just see where God puts me and i'll be there. overall, things are going pretty well but life ain't easy.Always hang on! Thank God for all things possible, assignments that has been goin good, and wisdom for great designs!Amen! For the past 4 weeks, every saturday i've been overnight at someone's place.tired. oh yeah the H20 promo video!now i realise how hard it is to be an actress/actor. H20 is a real good event, hopefully can invite my one team of friends to go!it'll be lots of fun!

i have this wood carving tools but yet to be touched! my friend says she could get unwanted woods for me!yay i can carve,finally!for the past 2 weeks, went to midvalley's cinema watched Corpse Bride, Zorro 2 & Chicken Little! wow, all movies are thumbs up!lovee it haha!Today went to midvalley and got to snap all the windows displays that i need for wednesday's class project. hm,i guess till here,i stop?nth anymore i think gagagagga!

okla,its wayyy past midnite, and it's really late. chaoz

Got many prayers to do down the list, especially for those having their exams. its really hard time studying i know, so i'll keep you guys in prayers!God will provide and God will make a way!Amen!

Gosh, finished the sagmeister book and it was fantastic. Really crazy designer, liked those designs.hey tks gordon for willing 2 lend me the book, it opened my eyes so much! couldn't sleep right now, didn't know why, nothing practically on my mind. nothin really bothers me though. hmm...guess i slept too much ytd?hahahaha exam is on monday, gotta prepare too for it. altho its only an english paper but i need to know e formats, essays and stuffs yeah. for the past one week, in hostel, mostly by myself all the time cuz frenz busy studying, my hostelmate working... one went bc hometown. hm but sometimes a lil' bit of own private moments are good. hehe...lets see...i've been doing laundry every morning, tidy and arrange my stuffs in the room[too many things!yipes!], hmm..wat else, watched some VCDs,read e design book, read comics, made crafts, onlining....etc need to practice drafting, sewing and illustration!!very important!yes!

my browser having some probs since last week and i couldnt log in to any sites at all, couldnt check mail, friendster, forum,blog yikes!really frustrating!and i've been trying time and again setting up my browser but nothing works!! i was so sick of all that, decided not to go online again and pack up my laptop+equipments into my bag. but then later on past midnight i on my laptop again. And sought help from the Internet help...didn't reli understand the instructions but then tried again on setting the browser, i just made one slight changes and then thank God! really praise the Lord!my browser miracolausly is working again!!i was shocked and happy at the same time!just one slight touch and voila!it work again!after one week?!omigawd.awesome

sunday...bright shining sunday haha! and its 4am now, such an early sunday morning lol. *yawns i think getting sleepy aredi..hEe..ZzZzZzz

In my hometown now..I had a small reunion with my schoolmates ytd, it brings back memories...and today I flipped through my secondary stuffs and suddenly realised how secondary days was so much fun!Creeping out of classes, eating in class, fooling around haha all those mischiveous stuffs we did!Teachers, sweet & boring ones, classes, recess, things that I used to do, things that me and my friends shared...wow its unforgettable!Its gonna be such a long long long neverending story to talk about my life in secondary!Sweet & bitter ones, A LOT!I guess many people feels that way too, we kind of looked back and it's just beautiful. I love drawing,writing & reading in school and I always does that when I felt bored in class!I got caught once and the teacher grab my storybook!It was one of the Malory Towers series from Enid Blyton!Yipes!How I wish I still have my friends around...but we are all leading our own ways now, though I still keep in touch with them but its never gonna be the same anymore.

I seldom go home and now that I'm home, I want to talk to my mom more but sometimes, its so hard?I dont know, i'm very close to my mom cuz my dad's not here anymore and mom is the only one I've got.I want to be able to share more with my mom. I do tell my mom things and she does the same but then there's just something missing.I want mom to know how much I loved and cared for her.Although I'm not at home most of the time. Yeah, i want to talk to mom!!Mom is the sweetest thing on earth...yes.I must talk to my mom more.I want to spend more time with her.=)

Oh btw, while i was waiting for my cousin to pick me up ytd, i went to popular bookstore.And I bought Archie comics, it was really worth it. Two for RM7.90!!its much more worth it than those that I've bought!Yay!I bought two sets. Archie comics actually helped me to improve my illustration lae...i love to draw, i want to improve my illustration skills tis sem break and also my sewing!hehehe yeah!Its so darn hot in taiping nowdays....arh..have to get my bath now and homecook lunch!!ahh...homecook food has never tasted better!Yumm yumm!

m.y. d.e.v.o.t.i.o.n n.e.e.d.s a l.i.f.e

m.y r.e.l.a.t.i.o.n.s.h.i.p w.i.t.h G.o.d n.e.e.d.s r.e.v.i.v.a.l, n.e.e.d t.o r.e.k.i.n.d.l.e t.h.e f.i.r.e a.g.a.i.n

Into Your hands
I commit again
With all I am
For You Lord
You hold my world
In the palm of Your hand
And I am Yours forever...

Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
The reason that I sing
With all I am

AMEN>>sorry that i've abandoned You,i come again and into Your hands I surrender ALL.

aw..home sweet home!i'm back in taiping,it feels so good!its been so long ever since i was HOME~~sobs..finally...ahh cant explain e sweetness in HOME>!beautiful,wonderful & lovely!!!YEAH!somehow i have many plans for semester break,doin my own personal things,yea haha.actually b4 that, need to prepare also for English examlah haha! then i'm free,free...still wondering where to head after dip in tarc.how?what?so unsure me,i SO want to stay with TSF. at least for 2 more years?hm..i kind of forgot what i want to blog about now...LOL..just informing that i'm home, will go back on sat, for FGA first sat service!!countdown!HEE!magnificient!majestic!

k.n.o.w w.h.a.t s.e.c.r.e.t l.o.v.e.r.b.o.y d.o.w.n i.n.s.i.d.e m.a.n.y a.g.o d.i.d n.o.t w.h.a.t n.o.w?

AHHH...finally assessment all complete!

it was somehow kinda messy but thank God everything just went fine...thank You dear Lord!Amen!

really thanks to ms nadeane too,she seems to know about everything and seems to be right about everything!yea some parts she really does understand me.thanks for all the advices and i'll change!who can expect you can actually share your problems with your lecturer??and the fact that she understands?haha, well i just have one!tks again...not forgetting all my helpful classmates...thanks for all your help!!

i recognized my own work problems and yeah i'll really really try to organize my things better and will change for the better!

praise the Lord!!Amen!

visited two person's blogs today and both gave an impact in my heart there and then

yeah..meet ppl's expectations bt God's?More precious & nothing could replace it, more important...

read ur blog grace and it does felt so - i dont know how to describe but i seem to understand what you are goin through and sometimes i'm goin through the same situations as you..rush of waters came down,if u know what i mean?because it so happens when i was reading it, i was going through something too,and i broke down.

found my own problems that leads me to - doin miserable work and terribly done
probs..i worry too much[altho i tried nt to],i get nervous,i delay and in the end rush for it
must change all these....really trying..by God's grace!sometimes i'm care-free..which [ah..] cause me to delay [huh]

ps.michael koh's message was deep...but he made me realise things in my life.it was strong.i always fall into confusion- yeah really but through all that i learned to be stronger than EVER.
i broke down many many times this sem...so many things that i just couldn't control.couldn't catch up...
God is in full control of everything and I commit all things in Your hands.I surrender every single thing to You God.I seek You Father.Amen

Merdeka shirt!!

haha...that's my assignment!today start sewing, finish sewing darts & collar & cuff yeah~ step by step process is fun!but really need to catch up a bit more!Completing all my final projects... three subjects altogether but thank God that I'm catching up with it.Praise God..i'm now arranging my works and managed my time for all my assignments...learning to be a bit more consistent abt my work.Thank God soooo much!

kind of said the wrong thing to my fren, i think it hurt pretty badly..but i didn't really meant it that way.And someone did say the same thing to me too, but i just dont understand how come i can be okay about it and my fren cant.ahh..why ah?is it me?hm...

anyway,jus wan to post this poem...something i wrote in a boring english class [again!] i wasn't really listening to the tutor so this is what came out..

As the voice runs through
I began to wander
The voice slowly recedes
Wandering away in my own world

I can't even hear anymore
Just the images of my dream
Going away and further
As far as I could go

But I can see more
Images of togetherness
Appeared in my mind
So closely knitted

With eyes wide open
That voice didn't matter
I just dreamt away
Tuning into a faraway land

It goes on and on
I stayed even longer
Something strucked me
I had to be strucked

Still havent complete my assignments yet!!haih....tomoro have to start sewing suddenly feel so lazy~!reli sort of sick with the environment...

ZzzZzzZz

On a boring 2 hours English class plus 1 hour replacement class I...

Here I settled down
But deep dissastifaction fills in
The voice gives pain
Unbearable pain

Within I closed my hearing
The voice still tingles around
I blinked and blinked
Hoping to just shut my eyes

It continued for hours
I couldn't stand it anymore
My lips sealed but not that
Sitting down froze to the source

03/08/05
4.50pm
M I N G aka guo xiaoming

What more to expect?

Fashion Construction
- merdeka shirt
Textile Materials
-Cultural Influences[research book,moodboard,research board]
Fashion Image
-World Dress [south africa]-research book
Surface Design
-50 sketches
-Design Report
-Illustration
-Moodboard
-Repair garment

E'thins okAr..lookin forward to COST..felt lil' upset abt one thing that happened,such a loss *sigh wish i didn't have to do it.but i did.

"i hopped when the grass calls,in the midst of a tremendous wind,it flew away on it's own"

-M I N G-

Oh well all things come and go...the big project is finally done and its over noW~!

but it doesn't mean relaxation..*sigh...more work to concentrate right now.MORE work to come...four subjects, each subject has at least 2 to 3 assignments *fuahh~~although its a lot but i just liked it that its getting more and more fun~!i liked being busy~if not i'll be so restless,darn boring wan ah...now things like that is goOoD!

my mom coming down this saturday,yay~!long time din c mom,misS her sO much,its been long the last time we went shopPing together~!now i can spend some time with my mom =)

ciaoz~~

Come & Gone

Finally,THE DAY 17July 2005 had come and gone~~

I was practically working till past midnight a day before orientation night.Thank God my lecturer helped me with the sewing.I worked till 4.30am in the studio,only 3 of us left there.In the end managed to finish and went home feeling so darn tired and sleepy.Woke up at about 9.30am cuz i need to go Jusco to get my accessories for my model.Been rushing around Jusco and got a pair of casual shoes,a necklace & a bracelet!Back to studio,i went directly to the backstage to give the stuffs to my model.Thanks agnes for helping me to sew the pants hook!!i was exhausted when i reached the college hall.oh well my model liked the stuffs i bought,good~!i think it suits him pretty well and even my garment suits him~!yay finally the whole piece is completed!!and my model wore the whole suit for me to see and it looks good~~!haha juz some sewing mistakes here and there lahh~~!but i'm so proud of everyone in my class DFD 2,everyone did such a good job that i myself didnt believe i actually sew a garment~!WOW fantastically incredible i can say!we held on to each other and helped each other,made it through,made it this far and made it!!!YEAHHHHHHHHH~!!i'm impreSsEd!!

the orientation starts at 6pm and by then we were already backstage,ready to dress the models up for the fashion show.too bad we missed the catwalk.=/ after that we went on stage for some credits [haha] for our sweat & blood hard work lol..~!then we sat in front watching the rest of the show.my model played the guitar,it's really awesome.
Guess what,my model won first runner up~!!phew!i was SO happy!didnt expect him to win but he won!!WOW!! yeahhhhhhh cant describe the excitement~!my friend's model is the champion which i think he really deserves it so i'm very happy for him,too!!wow its jus amazing.but i felt sad for others...they really did so well!i'm proud of all of them,they are just fabulous!

i'm so happy with DFD 2~!!yeah!!keep rawkin ppl~!

Another long tiring day..been at work for like hours and it seems like forever~!i felt like i'm already a working person right now,sewing from day to dawn.that's like supa-crazy!had to rush for it though,sunday is going come really really soon!but i'm pretty sure that i can finish on time,just hope that there will be no BIG mistakes!if little mistake then i can fix it.BUT i'm pretty sure its okay cuz i do step-by-step according to ms.nadeane's teaching.weird,now i like her teaching better,she's so encouraging!i guess sometimes ppl do act differently,depending on situations.me,too.i'm happy with the results now but will be even happier when the whole piece is finally done!!yay!i'm really inspired and encouraged!

today e work is fine,but there's this thing that i'm not happy about.not goin 2 talk it over here.i dont know...e person that i thought could listen to me,was i wrong?instead other ppl were more concerned about my happenings rather than..yeah.i'm so sorry.

God,give me strength to go on each day as i work.Thank you Lord for being there all the time.i'm tired but knowing that you are working with me i'm glad.

He has made me glad
He has made me glad

Standing here in the midst of us
As we worship build your throne
And as we worship,build your throne

"came out in mind,messy but there's something about it ..."

Today sure is a longgg tiring day~!

I traced out my collar n its facing,den ms nadeane checked,something wrong with it and i have to fix a little.i dont noe why,i reali felt like crying but i hold back my tears.i guess i just worked very hard and den when i have to re-do again,its painful.but i didn't just stop there i manage to fix it and did it correctly.i thank God for being with me as i rush for my work.oh well in the end i manage to put all pieces on the fabric and cut.tiring!and there's more to do! but i believe i can!i must do extra fast but accurate!i always pray and God hears,i noe He's there for me no matter what will happen and that really make my heart so relieve.altho in the midst of such difficulty i will hang on even if i broke down,i will stand up again~!thank you Lord!

Gambate~!!gambate DFD 2~!

sHopPing~!

mostly all draftings done~~jus need to trace out everything,ms nadeane said we must keep our masterpiece!!LOL...went to KLCC with grace & agnes today.Evon not here!!hmph~! =P
firstly went to MNG,they're havin a sale den look for accessories in Isetan.Went into Romp and try all kinds of denim skirts on agnes...lol...quite a lot she tried but end up buying nth, tot v can get better bargain at sg.wang!but aww..waz e big deal v r allowed 2 try as many as we want!!and tat guy workin there was like walkin round n round us,even fix his hair in front of us...in front of e mirror! ???helo?!! oh well,grace got her mom's b'day pressie n then me n agnes jus walked around shoe shops and practically trying this,trying that...it was fun though~!!lastly we went into our last stop,Chameleon....i got a lip shaped embroidered brooch rm3.90!!i think tats quite a good bargain,plus a pair of earrings n a purple hairband[hair gettin long!]agnes got a necklace n a pair of earrings.it was 6.30pm by the time we went to lrt station,but HEHE v wan 2 walk more!!nex time ya!!

i actually jus wake up from sleep....too sleepy...slept at 9am n now woke up d~~~oOo the other day bought a shoe from vincci - i really like it sO sO much hehe!!cuz 2 pair of my shoes torn!!so i had 2 get another one!

hmm...adiOs~!

yAy!!ms nadeane 'fixed' my collar and it looked good!!beau-tea-full & loaf-lee!!hehe

still got some bits here n there for my drafting...jus add some finishing touch to it n voila!can cut fabric d!again,hopefully can finish on time 17july is THE DAY!!

erh...how about the sewing part?crash crash course wahahaha!*learn from experience~~things getting on hand now but sOoO limited time!!i think nex week v need to burn midnight oil in class already,pack & sleep in college LOL!
hahaha...gambate DFD 2!!we will go through this together,we will make it!!!

thanks SO much to ms nadeane[who has reli been like a 2nd mom],mr.jamal & ms hariza

morning~!

At least can post something before i get to class!huh - its getting very urm...out-of-control?i dont know i so hope the lecturers have some back-up plan for us!!yay!i'm so excited to sew but now the flower hasn't bloom yet huh~~
now waiting for my friend = who woke up even later than me!!i always arrive late at class,i want 2 do my work finish off with it....take lunch

honestly,i'm little worried abt the collar part...many things to draft!!

Still drafting...maybe going to cut fabric tommorow?we took almost 2 weeks to draft...how long is it gona be to sew?lets see...i need to sew the jacket,the denim pants [with pockets too], and patchwork!

furthermore,i think my drafting are just almost done,not exactly done yet.everyone else is except for those who are doin women's...a little bit faster than us who are doing men's wear.*sigh hopefully can finish on time.
huh...

THE BIG DAY!!!
Saturday 2/07/05

8am-9am
Got this boring English class with Chris aka. Lehtew

9am-10am
Went back hostel to pack for the Genting trip

10.15am
Ms Nadeane,Ms Hariza & Mr.Jamal arrange us in groups.we’re going to buy fabrics!!YAY~!well,I sat in ms.nad’s old car [which is as old as her] haha I don’t mind really, u know,I I just love old stuffs. =)
We chit-chat in the car and ms.nad is just so COOL. Like a big sister, but she calls us her “children” hehe~!the moment we reached PEOPLE TEXTILE SHOP, I was so fascinated by all the fabrics there [practically walking round n round checking out!] me and my partner chose A LOT of fabrics for our patchwork and I manage to get denim with 2 diff washes.i’m goin to sew denim~!!!yikes?yay??YAY!!haha~! we spent nearly 4 hours there..choosing,confirm,cutting…paying..i was getting so tired,my legs are killing me~! Huh! In the end, I got 2 denim, 3 cotton fabrics[including my camouflage fabric~~!!!WOW~!] then we head over to MCD’s to get our lunch.

3.15pm
I quickly finished my lunch and rush to pasar seni station. My bus to genting is at 4pm. I was quite late,so I had to rush. Thank God I manage to reach on time. My sis n her frens were already there. We manage to get place in the bus[phew!]I was sleeping the whole time in bus….i was really really tired n sleepy!

4.30pm
Reached genting skyway station.Reached genting about 5pm. Then we went to first world hotel if there’s any room – no hope FULL HOUSE. They asked us to come again and check at 7pm.so we walked around while waiting. Went to Sinma and got myself 2 pair of earrings,one tribal necklace n a beaded bangle. Love it~! after that we went to have dinner at “Only Mee’’…one bowl of mee rm9.50.!!?!?!?!?!?! I shared wit my sis. We did check the rooms at 7pm but still – full hse.huh. so we got no place to stay~!

7.30pm
we got in the concert hall.cant wait- I felt so nervous haha~!i’m in Leehom;s concert and watching him perform LIVE~![finally!]HOW COOL`!!The concert then began at 8pm. Leehom came out at 8.15 – intro slide presentation of his journey in music. Then dancers and opening song was fang kai ni de xing. He sang a lot of numbers, it was a 3 hour concert~!i always grab the opportunity to run in front and see him face-to-face haha!!i could really see him up-close,yea he’s so good-looking~!the concert is leehom’s but its also about the band and the dance band. They are SOO COOL~!!!the band rawks~!so was the dance bad,they were just HOT!!i also kept an eye on his garments, he got really nice garments. “a fashion eye~’’ I loved his dressings and his hair!!

I think its too much to describe though…haha!i can only say that this concert is SO worth it and it is superb~! It’s not just leehom’s appearance but he got talent~! He played the keyboard, grand piano, drum, violin and the er-hu. It was really marvelous!!
He even compose a ‘thank you’ song to us on the spot!!!!his voice is truly remarkable.

*Sigh..I had to do some fixing on my dress...thank God just a little bit of fixing laa haha~!

Hopefully can finish by today.Thank God He took away all my worries,i meant ALL.well,its not much a big deal,as i've mentioned earlier,v do learn things the hard way.I think Ms.Nadeane[my lecturer] is so cool and i still she is now.She's HOT.not as in HOT hot la...she's just cool!We actually chit-chat today,which we sometimes do.We can practically talk abt anything at all,from movies to dramas to sewing to fashion even gays n lesbians!!WOW.How cool can tat be?I seriously kind of look up to her too other than any other lecturers.She might be fussy at times but thats just tat,she did e'thin for our good.

Wherever i think of you
i thought abt how you walked away
Just like that
I meant out of my life
Honestly all is out now
Are you really kicking me?
Getting rid of me once and for all?
Just because of that incident
That is not much big deal?

hMmm...just somethinla came out of mind.
nth muchla i guess.i'm positive!!yAy~!

At last,after abt 2 weeks,i finished my basic sewing lesson[sew the dress]!Yay now its down to some real stuff!Well,i'm doing men's casual wear for my project,which i think it's pretty cool..cuz i'm just lovin it that now i'm actually venturing into some guys' stuff.I bought my first copy of men's mag "Men's Folio" a month ago.the mag was awesome~!Definitely tis s gona b a crash course but its fun!we do learn things e hard way,dont we?

Going shopping with my lecturers and coursemates tis sat for some fabrics plus accessories.And goin 2 Leehom's concert!Wow exciting!tEe hEe!
Its 3:49am...so late,wondering what i'm up to?ahh,i came home from class abt 5.30pm and slept through till 10am! had a drink jus now,came bc abt 3am and now here I am.Still SO awake,couldn't sleep.I slept too much i guesS.hAh *yawning* but my eyes are wide awake!Glad that I read my PDL today.I wont miss it.Abt that...hm..nothin at all, he actually walked away just like tat,*sigh.mabe i should just stay as far as i could so tat i wont freaked him out. its kinda umm....yeah...bruises la..but i can handle that.Yea.

Devotion,PDL,assignments,camp booklet + infos,envelope thingie for PDL group.
Commit!!

This few days,some poems came into mind.Its like i wrote poem everywhere i go.waiting for church service to start,i began scribbling down words...ytd i was waiting[long] for my next class to begin then i started scribbling again.things revolving around me,i began putting them into words instead of telling it.i seriously think its a better idea.some things just cant be spoken....i need to change my lifestyle.i SO need to...but i'm not trying hard enough,i'm just slacking n delaying it!!!argh!

Lord,transform me,turn me from plain water to wine!yes i know You will!amen

Dear God,

I stand before you God
Here I am for you
I want to spend eternity with You
And give all that I am

Even if difficulties lands me
Even if tests came upon me
But,i believe in You O'Lord
I believe in Your strength for me

Things seems so gloom
I'm not used to it,Lord
I wonder what's happening
But i do not want to ask why

For i know your purposes
You will make all things right
Your comfort with me
Encouraging me day by day

I'll never fall,no matter what

He put all his thoughts on you
Everyday he longs for you
He hope you will come and visit
He hopes for your presence
But you never turn up....
His heart calling your name

Finally you turn around
His heart leaped with joy
He's just happy that you are here
Sharing,taking and giving
All that brings something meaningful
That he remembers it...

Courage fills him in and out
In the midst,he decided that he has to go
To you he confess the truth
His heart beating anxiously
Waiting a hopeful answer from you
In just 2 seconds,you broke his heart

You are not what he thinks you are
His heart instantly shattered
Rejection left him emptiness
How sad he must be
That all his hopes came tumbling down
Crashed with a loud thump

Unsure whether strength will lead him on
If he should ever see you again
If only he could find something
That takes his life once and for all
Then,all will be wiped out
From the face of the earth

But,see,I will be here for you
I will stand by you
No matter where your heart breaks
I will go everywhere
To pick up your shattered pieces
And make it whole again

I hope,at least you could be better
That your wounded heart will heal
Please dont give up on love
Because love is grounded in you
Dont give up on hope
Because hope will never die

You not only have me
But many cares for you
They may not understand you
But part of them do...
Don't be sorry that you burdened us
It's never a burden
Friends never matter about that

What matters most is YOU
Stand up and walk
Leave the past behind,start anew
You will overcome it,i promise
You will find a better light
It takes time,but do believe

Believe that you will overcome
For life is more than what is now
Live life as if it is your last day
You knew all this
So use it for your life to move on
Although you stumbled,keep movin on

i hope this poem will be YOUR strength to clean your stains,pick up your steps and move on
-sarah- 15jun'05 2.29PM
tis was written when i was in fashion studio waiting for my next class =)

Made to Last Forever
"Thy will be done"
God has set the heart of eternity within you
When u're living in the light of eternity,
Many things that seemed so important appear worthless
Your values change[top priorities characther,relationship,managing time & money NOT worldly wealth
"Keep the vision of eternity in mind and value of it"
you will live forever,you will die but that's not the end of you.you're going home!To where u belong,eternity with the Lord
"There is more to life than just here and now"
"This world is fading away,along with everything in craves.But if you do the will of God,you will live forever"

What drives your life?

Some ppl's life are driven by guilt,resentment & anger,fear,materialism or approval[never try to please everyone and living up to ppl's expectations but please God]

Knowing your purposes will:
-give meaning to your life
-simplifies your life
-focuses your life
[focus,stop trying doing it all,do only that matters most.Focus on one thing that God wants me to do,do less]
-motivates your life
-prepares you for eternity
not to be remembered eartly but to be prepare for eternity

Living on purpose is the path to peace
"You,Lord,give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put in their trust in you" Isaiah 26:3

You are not an accident
God planned me,He created me even before I was born
[every single detail & feature of me,He had chosen all that,it's God who made me like this]
"You saw me before i was born and schduled each day of my life before i began to breathe.Everyday is recorded in your Book!"
-He planned it all for HIS purpose
-He made me,all about me,how i am
God loves me & values me SO much
-He thought about us before the world
-designed the planed just 4 us to live in
-we are His most valuable of all His creations

God is LOVE
"I am your Creator.You were in my care even before you were born" Isaiah 44:2

Shucks...tis is terrible.I felt so bad..guilty for somehow leading the wrong way.what have i done?!what was i thinking?!maybe it isn't all my fault,maybe i dont understand fully...but i felt damn bad.i felt i could cry one million days.huh..but then again,life needs to go on!life is more than what is now.how am i goin to tell this?yikes...i'm totally speechless again,how can i comfort someone in pain?i tried to share the pain...

Purpose Driven Life
What on Earth Am i Here For?

It All Starts With God
It's not about me!It's not what i want but it's all about God
I was born by God's will and for God
Without God,life is meaningless
Life is about letting God use me for His purpose
God is the SOURCE
To discover purpose in life,turn to God's words and not world's wisdom.

"Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him" Colossians 1:16

When i put my sight on you
You never looked back
As if i'm a non-existent being
Am I really that nothing?
That I truly meant absolutely nothing in you?

It cracked my heart
Not in a million pieces
But shattered and dissolve like salt
Salt that scattered everywhere
Far,far apart....
In the big natural form or water

After all that happened
I thought it didnt matter
But it matter to you a big deal
I was crushed with your ignorance
To love you or to hate you

I actually,love you

of cuz..our friendship is more than just this,"more than words"

From the beginning till outbreak...

I was never close to you back then
Our conversation consist only few words
But we shared moments of laughter
We also exchange words in the cyberworld
I enjoyed every part of it
Being friends with you was colorful
We used to hang out in a bunch
And saw you at your favourite place
With your favourite man-made greatest gadget
The only thing that I ever understood about you
I really thought you were that and just that
Never in my wildest dreams
I thought there was another "you" beneath

I always think that you're a great guy
You were gorgeous and looked so good
Seriously a very rare species
You barely had any temper,so soft and secure
That anyone becomes your girl would be so lucky
Everyone might just be so envious of your girl
When u turn off the relationship
I think I sense a bit of relieve in me
But i never ever,believe me
Think that we could be as one
I just treat you as a good friend and the same
And was really glad that we are

Although I did fell for you a little
That was just a mere crush
Sparks no jingle tingle
It faded when you went away

When you walked out and left
Everything else that you treasured and still
I vowed that I won't lost your presence
And I did not.....
Because we finally met in cyberworld again
Cyber was like an escapade for you
Our nights out became longer and deeper
Strangely enough,we began connecting
That you can be true to me
That trust was blooming in our ship

You told me about that someone
I was there all along listening
Supporting you to make certain moves
So that you could inhale and be still
I was glad that i could be the so-called counsellor
Helping you in any problems you might face
Hoping that you will make it everyday
Even if we were just technically involved
But it's still a golden ship movin' on

Until the day your truth revealed
You blurted out your exact truth
Honestly I was shocked and again shocked
I don't know what to say anymore
I don't even know what to feel
Devastated?Hurt?Dissapointed?
None of those,I guess
I was just frozen and speechless
I thought i want to act like i'm cool with it
But i'm not,i couldn't pretend
Because I didn't want to hurt you
I want you to think I was okay with it
That i'm your best friend and will stood by you
No matter what,how,where,when...

The thought that you actually lied
That you liked someone i thought was somebody else
All along when I was listening and opinions
I really never imagined this is it
This is the mask that you've been wearing
I felt froze again,meaningless
In some ways,i admired your courage
To finally took off your "mask"
In some ways,i wasn't too happy
It just felt weird
I'm not saying you're weird
It's just me,not you

I couldn't but i want to accept it
Just the way you are
For you are really one special friend to me
I still want to stand by you
Cause' i dont want to add more weight to your problems
I know you had much,family and friends
So I hope I could reduce your stress
I told you about my faith against your desire
You were cool about it

Right now,we are back to square one
Like we used to be before the outbreak
But i'm sure things are a bit different now
Still same yet different
I had one and only "hope"
You might know,or you might not
It doesn't matter much
Cause' we're strongly bonded in ship
Growing day by day
Praying that everything will turn out fine for you
May this bond be still
Whether digitally or reality
I'm sure it will work both ways

[stv,u sort of asked for this,ya?i just feel like writing at that moment and it came out like this.Enjoy.]

by k.s.m sarah [a poem of remembrance and a long long journey and still counting]

I gazed at my own mind
Let it be free on its own
Wandering wildly through
Who knows where it might go?

I found my hands in disgusting green
Pain somewhere in my mouth
My tongue ease my pain
I tried reducing it

Learning has become more than just learning
More than i could ever expect
But i know i can handle all that
If i could only attached things
Then i can make it all right

No strings attached,you might think
But every line uniquely me
Bringing my edge to the shore
Firmly established and strongly on hold

I can just laugh off my failures now
It's painful but it's exciting
As more experience fills my life
I had i all,i can face it all
"Content" is a certainty

I began wandering away
Thoughts of him appeared
I tried but i just couldn't
I couldn't bring him closer or further

He's always as far as he could
That i have nothing to approach
His face flickered in my min
Reminds me again of his charms

But i could never happen
Hope and reality are just separated
To the deepest hole it goes
Welcome to the dark side

sleepless nights

No sleep again...i have no idea when i would ever learn to manage my time properly and get some "proper" sleep!!i stayed up till morning again today and thinking of just skipping the 9 am class...its borin anyway!i finished drawing - phew! but need coloring!i sure hope they dont select the designs today - huh!but thank God thank God that i'm finally getting the hang of most things..praise the Lord for His strength is always with me.Listening to Leehom's Shangri-la album,makes me sort of energetic - in some ways,yea.although i'm really tired right now,maybe i should just skip the 9am class...and proceed later.Leehom's voice sounds so convincing and i so admired his determination in improving his chinese.i wish i had that kind of determination,haha!just cant wait for his concert,its sure gonna be da bomb!yay!!
can i,can i...skip e class?yes yes i might,i should..rite..*sigh*
maybe if i could just be a little bit more consistent,i will get enough sleep *sobs* i miss Jesus so much *sobs*...i hope i could spend more time with Him,speaking to the Lord is my sastifaction..sigh!!i hv to be strong,though...there's lots more than jus this,God says He will not give me something that i cannot bear so i will trust in Him!

40Days of Purpose Driven Life
Day 1 - It's not about me
--its all abt God,everything got started in Him...living is for God!!Only Him alone!it's not about me,it's about Him!
Day2 - i'm not an accident
--i was never mistakenly born!He created me with a purpose and He used me to fulfill His purpose.He knew me even before i was about to be born!Bcuz He is the creator,He specifically designed all things about ME!

[tis-written based on wht i remembered]

i wish I could sleep one whole day without any disturbance - no lunch,no dinner,no worries,no work!but i highly doubt that....

Just O.K

Finally,gettin the hang of things - at least almost.I decided to change my design concept and is doin just fine with it.Hopefully approval's comin!definitely all praise to God who has never left my side and never giving up on me,strengthened me through my weaknesses.i'm still & always seeking Him..looking forward to 40 days of purpose drivenlife campaign.Be commited!Lots of work ever since coll re-opens,never did have a goodnight sleep *sigh* i think part of it is my own time management - its so not easy for me to be consistent,cuz i'm not really that type anyway,i guess i like it just & free.Huh~tryin tryin[hehe!]
Sometimes I wonder he reali had someone in his life already,he doesn't seem like it though but there are some signs~!but one thing i'm so sure of is that he's still holding on to her. strangely enuff,i don reali miss him - i guess i'm just too loaded with works tat i dont even have time to think abt us.besides,thinkin abt him sort of makes me confuse & "sliced".Cuz he never did care abt me though...i'm not even a dot in his heart *hmm... forget it~!haih. neway need to concentrate on my draftings & design already - must!!!thanks to the Lord so much tat i can stay up late but still okay with it.not too tired at least..a bit of rest could do me good.i tink i need BRANDS haha!i 4get 2 buy today when i went for grocery shoppin!