*Sigh..I had to do some fixing on my dress...thank God just a little bit of fixing laa haha~!

Hopefully can finish by today.Thank God He took away all my worries,i meant ALL.well,its not much a big deal,as i've mentioned earlier,v do learn things the hard way.I think Ms.Nadeane[my lecturer] is so cool and i still she is now.She's HOT.not as in HOT hot la...she's just cool!We actually chit-chat today,which we sometimes do.We can practically talk abt anything at all,from movies to dramas to sewing to fashion even gays n lesbians!!WOW.How cool can tat be?I seriously kind of look up to her too other than any other lecturers.She might be fussy at times but thats just tat,she did e'thin for our good.

Wherever i think of you
i thought abt how you walked away
Just like that
I meant out of my life
Honestly all is out now
Are you really kicking me?
Getting rid of me once and for all?
Just because of that incident
That is not much big deal?

hMmm...just somethinla came out of mind.
nth muchla i guess.i'm positive!!yAy~!

At last,after abt 2 weeks,i finished my basic sewing lesson[sew the dress]!Yay now its down to some real stuff!Well,i'm doing men's casual wear for my project,which i think it's pretty cool..cuz i'm just lovin it that now i'm actually venturing into some guys' stuff.I bought my first copy of men's mag "Men's Folio" a month ago.the mag was awesome~!Definitely tis s gona b a crash course but its fun!we do learn things e hard way,dont we?

Going shopping with my lecturers and coursemates tis sat for some fabrics plus accessories.And goin 2 Leehom's concert!Wow exciting!tEe hEe!
Its 3:49am...so late,wondering what i'm up to?ahh,i came home from class abt 5.30pm and slept through till 10am! had a drink jus now,came bc abt 3am and now here I am.Still SO awake,couldn't sleep.I slept too much i guesS.hAh *yawning* but my eyes are wide awake!Glad that I read my PDL today.I wont miss it.Abt that...hm..nothin at all, he actually walked away just like tat,*sigh.mabe i should just stay as far as i could so tat i wont freaked him out. its kinda umm....yeah...bruises la..but i can handle that.Yea.

Devotion,PDL,assignments,camp booklet + infos,envelope thingie for PDL group.
Commit!!

This few days,some poems came into mind.Its like i wrote poem everywhere i go.waiting for church service to start,i began scribbling down words...ytd i was waiting[long] for my next class to begin then i started scribbling again.things revolving around me,i began putting them into words instead of telling it.i seriously think its a better idea.some things just cant be spoken....i need to change my lifestyle.i SO need to...but i'm not trying hard enough,i'm just slacking n delaying it!!!argh!

Lord,transform me,turn me from plain water to wine!yes i know You will!amen

Dear God,

I stand before you God
Here I am for you
I want to spend eternity with You
And give all that I am

Even if difficulties lands me
Even if tests came upon me
But,i believe in You O'Lord
I believe in Your strength for me

Things seems so gloom
I'm not used to it,Lord
I wonder what's happening
But i do not want to ask why

For i know your purposes
You will make all things right
Your comfort with me
Encouraging me day by day

I'll never fall,no matter what

He put all his thoughts on you
Everyday he longs for you
He hope you will come and visit
He hopes for your presence
But you never turn up....
His heart calling your name

Finally you turn around
His heart leaped with joy
He's just happy that you are here
Sharing,taking and giving
All that brings something meaningful
That he remembers it...

Courage fills him in and out
In the midst,he decided that he has to go
To you he confess the truth
His heart beating anxiously
Waiting a hopeful answer from you
In just 2 seconds,you broke his heart

You are not what he thinks you are
His heart instantly shattered
Rejection left him emptiness
How sad he must be
That all his hopes came tumbling down
Crashed with a loud thump

Unsure whether strength will lead him on
If he should ever see you again
If only he could find something
That takes his life once and for all
Then,all will be wiped out
From the face of the earth

But,see,I will be here for you
I will stand by you
No matter where your heart breaks
I will go everywhere
To pick up your shattered pieces
And make it whole again

I hope,at least you could be better
That your wounded heart will heal
Please dont give up on love
Because love is grounded in you
Dont give up on hope
Because hope will never die

You not only have me
But many cares for you
They may not understand you
But part of them do...
Don't be sorry that you burdened us
It's never a burden
Friends never matter about that

What matters most is YOU
Stand up and walk
Leave the past behind,start anew
You will overcome it,i promise
You will find a better light
It takes time,but do believe

Believe that you will overcome
For life is more than what is now
Live life as if it is your last day
You knew all this
So use it for your life to move on
Although you stumbled,keep movin on

i hope this poem will be YOUR strength to clean your stains,pick up your steps and move on
-sarah- 15jun'05 2.29PM
tis was written when i was in fashion studio waiting for my next class =)

Made to Last Forever
"Thy will be done"
God has set the heart of eternity within you
When u're living in the light of eternity,
Many things that seemed so important appear worthless
Your values change[top priorities characther,relationship,managing time & money NOT worldly wealth
"Keep the vision of eternity in mind and value of it"
you will live forever,you will die but that's not the end of you.you're going home!To where u belong,eternity with the Lord
"There is more to life than just here and now"
"This world is fading away,along with everything in craves.But if you do the will of God,you will live forever"

What drives your life?

Some ppl's life are driven by guilt,resentment & anger,fear,materialism or approval[never try to please everyone and living up to ppl's expectations but please God]

Knowing your purposes will:
-give meaning to your life
-simplifies your life
-focuses your life
[focus,stop trying doing it all,do only that matters most.Focus on one thing that God wants me to do,do less]
-motivates your life
-prepares you for eternity
not to be remembered eartly but to be prepare for eternity

Living on purpose is the path to peace
"You,Lord,give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put in their trust in you" Isaiah 26:3

You are not an accident
God planned me,He created me even before I was born
[every single detail & feature of me,He had chosen all that,it's God who made me like this]
"You saw me before i was born and schduled each day of my life before i began to breathe.Everyday is recorded in your Book!"
-He planned it all for HIS purpose
-He made me,all about me,how i am
God loves me & values me SO much
-He thought about us before the world
-designed the planed just 4 us to live in
-we are His most valuable of all His creations

God is LOVE
"I am your Creator.You were in my care even before you were born" Isaiah 44:2

Shucks...tis is terrible.I felt so bad..guilty for somehow leading the wrong way.what have i done?!what was i thinking?!maybe it isn't all my fault,maybe i dont understand fully...but i felt damn bad.i felt i could cry one million days.huh..but then again,life needs to go on!life is more than what is now.how am i goin to tell this?yikes...i'm totally speechless again,how can i comfort someone in pain?i tried to share the pain...

Purpose Driven Life
What on Earth Am i Here For?

It All Starts With God
It's not about me!It's not what i want but it's all about God
I was born by God's will and for God
Without God,life is meaningless
Life is about letting God use me for His purpose
God is the SOURCE
To discover purpose in life,turn to God's words and not world's wisdom.

"Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him" Colossians 1:16

When i put my sight on you
You never looked back
As if i'm a non-existent being
Am I really that nothing?
That I truly meant absolutely nothing in you?

It cracked my heart
Not in a million pieces
But shattered and dissolve like salt
Salt that scattered everywhere
Far,far apart....
In the big natural form or water

After all that happened
I thought it didnt matter
But it matter to you a big deal
I was crushed with your ignorance
To love you or to hate you

I actually,love you

of cuz..our friendship is more than just this,"more than words"

From the beginning till outbreak...

I was never close to you back then
Our conversation consist only few words
But we shared moments of laughter
We also exchange words in the cyberworld
I enjoyed every part of it
Being friends with you was colorful
We used to hang out in a bunch
And saw you at your favourite place
With your favourite man-made greatest gadget
The only thing that I ever understood about you
I really thought you were that and just that
Never in my wildest dreams
I thought there was another "you" beneath

I always think that you're a great guy
You were gorgeous and looked so good
Seriously a very rare species
You barely had any temper,so soft and secure
That anyone becomes your girl would be so lucky
Everyone might just be so envious of your girl
When u turn off the relationship
I think I sense a bit of relieve in me
But i never ever,believe me
Think that we could be as one
I just treat you as a good friend and the same
And was really glad that we are

Although I did fell for you a little
That was just a mere crush
Sparks no jingle tingle
It faded when you went away

When you walked out and left
Everything else that you treasured and still
I vowed that I won't lost your presence
And I did not.....
Because we finally met in cyberworld again
Cyber was like an escapade for you
Our nights out became longer and deeper
Strangely enough,we began connecting
That you can be true to me
That trust was blooming in our ship

You told me about that someone
I was there all along listening
Supporting you to make certain moves
So that you could inhale and be still
I was glad that i could be the so-called counsellor
Helping you in any problems you might face
Hoping that you will make it everyday
Even if we were just technically involved
But it's still a golden ship movin' on

Until the day your truth revealed
You blurted out your exact truth
Honestly I was shocked and again shocked
I don't know what to say anymore
I don't even know what to feel
Devastated?Hurt?Dissapointed?
None of those,I guess
I was just frozen and speechless
I thought i want to act like i'm cool with it
But i'm not,i couldn't pretend
Because I didn't want to hurt you
I want you to think I was okay with it
That i'm your best friend and will stood by you
No matter what,how,where,when...

The thought that you actually lied
That you liked someone i thought was somebody else
All along when I was listening and opinions
I really never imagined this is it
This is the mask that you've been wearing
I felt froze again,meaningless
In some ways,i admired your courage
To finally took off your "mask"
In some ways,i wasn't too happy
It just felt weird
I'm not saying you're weird
It's just me,not you

I couldn't but i want to accept it
Just the way you are
For you are really one special friend to me
I still want to stand by you
Cause' i dont want to add more weight to your problems
I know you had much,family and friends
So I hope I could reduce your stress
I told you about my faith against your desire
You were cool about it

Right now,we are back to square one
Like we used to be before the outbreak
But i'm sure things are a bit different now
Still same yet different
I had one and only "hope"
You might know,or you might not
It doesn't matter much
Cause' we're strongly bonded in ship
Growing day by day
Praying that everything will turn out fine for you
May this bond be still
Whether digitally or reality
I'm sure it will work both ways

[stv,u sort of asked for this,ya?i just feel like writing at that moment and it came out like this.Enjoy.]

by k.s.m sarah [a poem of remembrance and a long long journey and still counting]

I gazed at my own mind
Let it be free on its own
Wandering wildly through
Who knows where it might go?

I found my hands in disgusting green
Pain somewhere in my mouth
My tongue ease my pain
I tried reducing it

Learning has become more than just learning
More than i could ever expect
But i know i can handle all that
If i could only attached things
Then i can make it all right

No strings attached,you might think
But every line uniquely me
Bringing my edge to the shore
Firmly established and strongly on hold

I can just laugh off my failures now
It's painful but it's exciting
As more experience fills my life
I had i all,i can face it all
"Content" is a certainty

I began wandering away
Thoughts of him appeared
I tried but i just couldn't
I couldn't bring him closer or further

He's always as far as he could
That i have nothing to approach
His face flickered in my min
Reminds me again of his charms

But i could never happen
Hope and reality are just separated
To the deepest hole it goes
Welcome to the dark side

sleepless nights

No sleep again...i have no idea when i would ever learn to manage my time properly and get some "proper" sleep!!i stayed up till morning again today and thinking of just skipping the 9 am class...its borin anyway!i finished drawing - phew! but need coloring!i sure hope they dont select the designs today - huh!but thank God thank God that i'm finally getting the hang of most things..praise the Lord for His strength is always with me.Listening to Leehom's Shangri-la album,makes me sort of energetic - in some ways,yea.although i'm really tired right now,maybe i should just skip the 9am class...and proceed later.Leehom's voice sounds so convincing and i so admired his determination in improving his chinese.i wish i had that kind of determination,haha!just cant wait for his concert,its sure gonna be da bomb!yay!!
can i,can i...skip e class?yes yes i might,i should..rite..*sigh*
maybe if i could just be a little bit more consistent,i will get enough sleep *sobs* i miss Jesus so much *sobs*...i hope i could spend more time with Him,speaking to the Lord is my sastifaction..sigh!!i hv to be strong,though...there's lots more than jus this,God says He will not give me something that i cannot bear so i will trust in Him!

40Days of Purpose Driven Life
Day 1 - It's not about me
--its all abt God,everything got started in Him...living is for God!!Only Him alone!it's not about me,it's about Him!
Day2 - i'm not an accident
--i was never mistakenly born!He created me with a purpose and He used me to fulfill His purpose.He knew me even before i was about to be born!Bcuz He is the creator,He specifically designed all things about ME!

[tis-written based on wht i remembered]

i wish I could sleep one whole day without any disturbance - no lunch,no dinner,no worries,no work!but i highly doubt that....

Just O.K

Finally,gettin the hang of things - at least almost.I decided to change my design concept and is doin just fine with it.Hopefully approval's comin!definitely all praise to God who has never left my side and never giving up on me,strengthened me through my weaknesses.i'm still & always seeking Him..looking forward to 40 days of purpose drivenlife campaign.Be commited!Lots of work ever since coll re-opens,never did have a goodnight sleep *sigh* i think part of it is my own time management - its so not easy for me to be consistent,cuz i'm not really that type anyway,i guess i like it just & free.Huh~tryin tryin[hehe!]
Sometimes I wonder he reali had someone in his life already,he doesn't seem like it though but there are some signs~!but one thing i'm so sure of is that he's still holding on to her. strangely enuff,i don reali miss him - i guess i'm just too loaded with works tat i dont even have time to think abt us.besides,thinkin abt him sort of makes me confuse & "sliced".Cuz he never did care abt me though...i'm not even a dot in his heart *hmm... forget it~!haih. neway need to concentrate on my draftings & design already - must!!!thanks to the Lord so much tat i can stay up late but still okay with it.not too tired at least..a bit of rest could do me good.i tink i need BRANDS haha!i 4get 2 buy today when i went for grocery shoppin!